Turning 2

My precious son, Collin, would be turing two today. It's hard not to feel sadness by his absence. I know that him coming to earth for 3 short days was and is part of God's plan for our family. I do not question God's plan. I do miss him though. In the busyness and joy of taking care of Ethan, I sometimes feel guilty for not thinking about Collin as much. I know what you'll say... you shouldn't feel guilty. I just don't want Collin to ever be forgotten. The other day, while Ethan was napping, I was overcome with emotion thinking about Collin, about the joy of becoming a mother. I remember the joy of holding his tiny feet in my hands, talking to him about his future and the fun we would have, asking him what sports he would play. I remember seeing his perfect little body and thinking he was the cutest, most perfect baby I had ever seen. I also remember the heartbreak of holding him in my arms as he took his final breath. I remember wrapping his tiny body in a blanket and placing him in a casket with a picture of us - mom, dad and Collin. I remember the pain and sorrow in the days/weeks/months following his death. This reminiscing is a tender mercy from God, reminding me that I will never forget Collin and that it's okay to be happy and its okay to love every minute with Ethan and that loving him doesn't take away from Collin.

I am so grateful for all three of my boys. Chris, Collin and Ethan. Today, I am particularly grateful for Collin. He taught me to rely on my Savior for strength. He taught me to appreciate my loved ones more. He brought Chris and me closer to together. He taught me that life is precious and to appreciate the little things. He provided our family with an even stronger resolve to live worthy so we can be reunited as a family one day. Collin will always be my baby boy. And today, I want to say, Happy Birthday Collin. We love you!