It is hard for me not to worry at this point in my pregnancy. I am almost 22 weeks. Collin was born at 24 weeks and 5 days. I know that I am giving myself blood thinner shots twice a day, taking baby aspirin, going to the doctors frequently, however, sometimes I still feel nervous. I do trust in the Lord. I know that He has a plan for me and for our family and that He loves me. I know that I need to have faith and not be afraid, and I do have faith… but sometimes like when I lay in bed at night I worry.
I don’t know the exact timing of when ‘things’ – like my placenta - didn’t look good for Collin. I don’t know if it was that way from the beginning or if ‘things’ were fine until I reached say 22 weeks? All I know is that when I went in for my ultrasound at 23 weeks, the docs saw problems. I have had numerous ultrasounds for this little guy and he seems to be doing well. But how is he doing right now at this very moment?– I wish I could have an ultrasound everyday – I guess that is where faith comes in right? I do have faith that the Lord will take care of me and my family - that He has a plan for us. I just sometimes wish I had an outline of that plan. I guess that wouldn’t make trials any easier – knowing they are coming – I don’t know, I just want my baby to grow and be safe. I miss Collin everyday. Sometimes, I almost feel guilty for being really excited about our new little baby - I don’t ever want it to seem like I am replacing Collin. Collin will always be an important part of my life. My little sisters asked me when I would tell our new baby about his big brother. I told them there isn’t going to be ‘time’ – he will know Collin…
Anyways, I am rambling. I hope you don’t think less of me for being worried and not super strong and fearless. I have two doctor appointments (an ultrasound and a regular check up) both scheduled for the Tuesday after Thanksgiving. I am going to try and move my check up to next week instead.
I think you have the right attitude in having faith in the Lord's plan. Worrying about your children is just part of being a mom. You're gonna be such a great mom!! Your boyS are so lucky to have you and your hubby for parents!
ReplyDeleteIts perfectly normal to worry a little, just keep reminding yourself of all the things you are doing to make everything right. You're an amazing mother and I'm sure little Collin is so proud of you and so excited to be a big brother. We pray for you and hope you know we miss you both lots.
ReplyDeleteYou amaze me all the time Robyn. You are strong, even if you worry! I agree with the others, I worried too. Sometimes it is just nice to go in a see the Dr and know everything is going well. I have a friend who downloaded an ap on her phone that makes it so you can hear the baby's heart beat from your phone. Don't ask me how it works but maybe something like that would make it less stressful. I am sure feeling you little guy move helps too. I hope all is going well, you are in my prayers. I think you are in great care and I am so glad they are keeping a close eye on you and your little guy. I can't wait to see you in a few weeks! Love you!
ReplyDeleteThanks for sharing some of your thoughts. You have the right attitude and a lot of faith. Things will work out. I think it's part of being a mom to worry about our kids. Your boys are so fortunate to have quality parents like you and Chris. Sending good best wishes and a hug your way!
ReplyDeleteRobyn, thanks for being so honest and open. It makes me want to cry reading it, because I have had similar thoughts and feelings with my pregnancies (and resulting miscarriages). It is hard not to worry, but that doesn't mean you don't have faith. Go to the doctor as often as you need to. They will understand. I am hoping the best for you!!
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