Worries

It is hard for me not to worry at this point in my pregnancy. I am almost 22 weeks. Collin was born at 24 weeks and 5 days. I know that I am giving myself blood thinner shots twice a day, taking baby aspirin, going to the doctors frequently, however, sometimes I still feel nervous. I do trust in the Lord. I know that He has a plan for me and for our family and that He loves me. I know that I need to have faith and not be afraid, and I do have faith… but sometimes like when I lay in bed at night I worry.
I don’t know the exact timing of when ‘things’ – like my placenta - didn’t look good for Collin. I don’t know if it was that way from the beginning or if ‘things’ were fine until I reached say 22 weeks? All I know is that when I went in for my ultrasound at 23 weeks, the docs saw problems. I have had numerous ultrasounds for this little guy and he seems to be doing well. But how is he doing right now at this very moment?– I wish I could have an ultrasound everyday – I guess that is where faith comes in right? I do have faith that the Lord will take care of me and my family - that He has a plan for us. I just sometimes wish I had an outline of that plan. I guess that wouldn’t make trials any easier – knowing they are coming – I don’t know, I just want my baby to grow and be safe. I miss Collin everyday. Sometimes, I almost feel guilty for being really excited about our new little baby - I don’t ever want it to seem like I am replacing Collin. Collin will always be an important part of my life. My little sisters asked me when I would tell our new baby about his big brother. I told them there isn’t going to be ‘time’ – he will know Collin…

Anyways, I am rambling. I hope you don’t think less of me for being worried and not super strong and fearless. I have two doctor appointments (an ultrasound and a regular check up) both scheduled for the Tuesday after Thanksgiving. I am going to try and move my check up to next week instead.

Family

My family came for a visit. Well some of my family, we were missing my three sisters and two brother-in-laws. We had so much fun with them! I am already looking forward to another visit : )
Chris worked hard long hours leading up to the weekend and was able to join in the fun, which we are all grateful for.
They arrived Friday afternoon and we first went to Shoreline Park to walk around and see the Bay, well the stinky/smelly part of the Bay.
Then we came home to watch the BYU vs. TCU game


And to eat delicious Patxi's pizza

Saturday morning we headed into the City
We went to Alcatraz



They had an ex-Alcatraz prisoner there who spoke and had a book signing.

Then we went to Pier 39 to watch the sea lions.

And then to Muir Woods to see the giant redwoods

We finished the night with delicious Thai food in downtown Mountain View

We had so much fun! Thank you family for driving all the way to CA for the weekend! We love you!

On an entirely separate note:
Chris is the best. I came home yesterday to flowers on the table.

And my pregnancy continues to go well. My stomach is growing! And I love it. I am 20 weeks and 2 days in this picture
P.S thank you Steph for letting me borrow your maternity clothes!!! You are the best!