December 5th

December 5th was my originial due date. Even since I found out I was pregnant I was so looking forward to December 5th! I was counting down the days. Laying in bed each night just dreaming about what it would be like to have my little baby at home with me. I never thought I would be visiting Collin's grave on December 5th. I had been praying that I would feel comforted particularly on that day. I was worried that I wouldn't even be able to function. The day went much better than I had anticipated. I think Collin was comforting me that day. Of course I was sad. But I also felt so grateful to know that he is mine for eternity. I am so grateful he is sealed to me and Chris. I am so grateful he is my son. I love you Collin.

Chris built a little snowman for Collin. His hands froze but he didn't stop. It was cute to watch him as he talked to Collin telling him they were building their first snowman together. Chris is such a great dad and he loves Collin so much.

My family came to visit Collin also. It was incredibly foggy outside so for some reason the camera wouldn't take a clear picture. They brought the red Christmas flowers and the little stuffed aminal. They love and miss Collin. He is their first newphew and first grandson.

Thanksgiving

For Thanksgiving this year Chris and I went with my family to our cabin at Bear Lake.
A few highlights include:

- Snowmobiling. We even saw a Moose and it's family probably 50 feet from our trail! I tipped the snowmobile twice but was able to jumped off instead of getting squashed both times. I felt vindicated when Chris tipped his snowmobile just seconds after me in the exact same spot.

- Convincing Chris to go jogging with me on Thanksgiving morning in 0 degree weather. We didn't last too long...
- And of course eating a wonderful Thanksgiving meal.
We also
- Went swimming at the Indoor swimming pool
- Made 'gingerbread' houses
- Made honey candy with grandma
- Watched lots of football
- Read books (Robyn)
- Did homework (Chris)
- And went to the traditional Bear Trapper Steakhouse as an early celebration of Kelsi's 10th birthday.
After Bear Lake we went to South Jordan to spend some time with Chris's family. We had a great time watching the BYU vs. Utah game. It is disappointing that BYU lost but Chris remains positive because he felt like they played a great game and let's be honest the fumble at the end was clearly miscalled. After the football game we played games as a family and ate some delicious PIE pizza. yummm

I know this post is already way too long and surely you are already sick of reading it..but solely for my benefit I wanted to end this post with a few things I am grateful for.

- My husband. He is so perfect for me. He works hard in everything that he does. He can make me laugh and he always knows the right things to say when I need comfort. He truly is my best friend and I am so happy that he is mine for eternity.
- Collin. I love my baby boy. Even though it is hard not having him here with me I am grateful that he is my son.
- My family and Chris's family. Both of us are so incredibly blessed to have such amazing families who love and support us.
- The gospel. I am so grateful to know that I will be with Collin again. I am grateful to know that I have a Father in Heaven who is very mindful of me and who loves me. I am grateful that Chris and I were sealed in the Australia Melbourne Temple and that Collin, Chris and I are an eternal family.
- My job.
- Chris's job (starting in July)
- My education
- Warm showers, warm blankets and warm clothes
- Eggs and toast. My all time favorite breakfast at the time being.
- My health. I am so grateful that I am able to train for this marathon in April. And especially grateful that I have a wonderful training buddy
- Chocolate. Because let's be honest I always love chocolate.

And the list could go on and on. I truly am so blessed!

Visiting Collin

Chris and I go and visit Collin's grave every other weekend. We know that his spirit is not in the ground but we love to go there and talk to him. We tell him about our week, ask him how he is doing, and tell him how much we love him. I really feel like he is listening to us.

We are still in the process of getting his headstone all figured out - we want it to be perfect - so the little marker in the pictures is just temporary. We are very lucky because he is buried right by his great grandpa Shelton.

We love you so much Collin!

A few thoughts

I've got lots of thoughts running through my head today. I thought I'd share a few.

- I went to Yoga last night with Erica. A couple things I learned - Yoga is not nice and relaxing it is strenuous and hard. I am not even the tinest bit flexible (this isn't really knew knowledge but still). I woke up this morning sore - from YOGA - yes it made me feel very out of shape.

- With the Holidays soon approaching I've thought alot about decorating my house. The only issue (which is a farily large issue) - I am so not creative when it comes to things like that. My problem is I'll go into the store - TaiPan Trading or Hobby Lobby - for an hour and come out with nothing. I don't have the mind like some people do where they can look at something and picture the perfect little nook in their house where it belongs. I want to have a cute house - a quest that will take lots of time/failed attempts I am sure.

- This whole marathon goal is going to be a lot of work. For some reason I am running like everyday and still feel out of shape. I have already paid for the marathon so don't worry I am not backing out. Another thing, lets pray for a warm winter, it would make my training much easier.

- Chris and I are excited about going on a vacation together after he graduates, probably like Janurary or something. We just haven't decided where we want to go yet. It's actually gotten to be pretty stressful trying to decide a good place for a vacation. Shouldn't everything about a vacation be nice and relaxing? Why am I feeling stressed?

- I miss Collin. I know that after he was born I had to recover -but I wish that I could have been with him more. I wish that I would've sat in the NICU and held his little feet longer. I really miss him. One thing I have learned is to cherish every single moment you have with your loved ones. Erica told me about a family living in Taiwan the mom and dad are doctors so they take their baby to live at a nanny's house Monday through Saturday. Saturday they pick up their baby until Sunday night when they take their baby back to the nanny's house. Don't be like that. Hug and kiss your kids. Take them to the park. Show them you love them by being there. Trust me, it's not fun when they are gone. I love you Collin

Marathon Runners

Chris and I dressed up this year for Halloween. We were marathon runners. We also signed up for the Salt Lake City marathon on April 16. So basically it's official...we are running a marathon!

Pumpkin Carving

F.H.E. on Monday night was spent with my family carving pumpkins.

I was the master designer of our pumpkin and Chris was the gutter/carver. We are very proud of our finished product.

In case you are wondering the SF stands for San Francisco. And those are buildings in the background. But you probably weren't wondering because our pumpkin is just that good.

Two Months

My baby would be two months old today. I love you Collin. I miss you everyday. I think about you all the time. I wish that you were still here with me. I wish that I could take you on walks to the park and that I could take tons of pictures of you so that everyone could see how cute you are. I wish that I could give you as many hugs and kisses as I want. And that I could hold your tiny little hand. I wish that I could wake up in the middle of the night to you crying and then go comfort you. I wish I could hold you again. I love you my sweet baby.

Erica is home and Megan is married!

Erica is home from Taiwan! She was and is such an incredible missionary!

The kids sleeping at the airport while waiting for Erica to come home. Her flight got in at midnight on Tuesday.
Waiting for Erica.
All of the girls in the family. Oldest to youngest. Mom, Erica, Me, Megan, Haley, Kelsi, Alysa.

Erica and Coleman. They were so excited to see each other.

Family picture day. I love my sisters!
Me and Kelsi on family picture day.

Megan's Wedding Day:

Chris and I waiting for Megan and Matt to come out of the temple.

The little girls waiting
Introducing Megan and Matt Jensen!

Daddy-daughter dance.
We decorated there car.
Congratulations Megan and Matt!

Pictures, Doctors, Flowers, and BYU Football

First, the promised picture of the shadow box. I love it.

Second, the promised update about the doctor’s visit on Friday.

It was hard for me to go back to the hospital to meet with the specialist because the last time I met with her I had Collin. But the visit went good. She told us that my placenta had several recent strokes. I have what’s called Factor V and am more prone to blood clots. These strokes in the placenta restricted the blood/nutrient flow to Collin. She said that in the future pregnancy this problem can be prevented by taking baby aspirin, which is a blood thinner, and possibly receiving Heparin shots (also a blood thinner). Anyways, this was great news for us and we are very hopeful that we won’t have problems with future pregnancies. I just wish I didn't have to lose my son to figure all of this out.

Third, Chris surprised me with flowers in my car : ) I was having a really rough day...I missed Collin so much and Chris had to leave for school early in the morning and wasn’t going to be home until late at night so I wasn't going to see him all day. I was about to leave work to go home when he texted me and wanted me to meet him for Dinner. I was really excited because that meant I would get to see him. I walked to my car and there were flowers, my favorite gum, and a really thoughtful note – it was just what I needed. I have the best husband!

And Finally, BYU football. Yesterday Chris and I went to the game with some of my family. And they won! yay! One of the best parts about them winning is I get to have a happy husband for the weekend. You see, I love watching the football games and when BYU loses I'm disappointed for about a minute or so and then I'm totally over it. Chris on the other hand is devastated (okay maybe devastated is a strong word..but you get the picture).

Updates

We got a shadow box made for Collin. I love it. I will post pictures very soon. We included his blanket, hat, diapers, all three of our wrist bands from the hospital, pictures, hand and footprints, hand and foot moldings, and his little name card from the NICU. I look at it every day. It's not that I need help remembering Collin, I just like to look at it. I still miss him so much.

Also, we heard good news about the tests from the doctors. They have the results and we are meeting with the Doctor on Friday. She told us that the results are good news and that she believes with future pregnancy they can prevent this from happening again. She said she will give us more information on Friday when we meet so I will update everyone then. We are so grateful to the incredible doctors for everything they have done for our little family!

On another note, Chris is beginning his study for the GMAT. I got really lucky because he is such a hard worker and really smart : ). Chris is in his last semester at BYU. Yay! This is a busy semester for him because he is the president of the finance society, plus he has all his school work, plus he is studying for the GMAT.

Work has been going well for me. I am anxious to finish going through the rest of our boxes and getting everything organized in our house. I wish I was crafty and good at decorating but I am most definitely not. Hopefully I will learn. I want to start drawing. I took art in High School and also took art lessons when I was younger - it seems like something fun to start up again. I also want to start training for another marathon - more specifically the Salt Lake City marathon in April. Not counting my pathetic attempts at a mile last week, it's been a month and a half since I ran. I think that's the longest I have gone without running for over 3 years. Let's just say I have quite a bit of work a head of me. Getting out of shape is a much easier process than getting back in shape! Wish me luck ha.

One Month

Collin would be one month old today. Yesterday Chris and I went and visited his grave. Tears were definitely shed but I am so glad we went. The end of each new day seems like a triumph, because it seems like time is going by so slow. It seems like such a long time since I was able to hold Collin. Probably because I miss him so much. But at the same time it seems like just yesterday. It's weird how life is that way sometimes. Going by slow yet so fast. I don't know, I can't quite explain it.
Chris and I, we are doing good. Collin is always on our minds and we wish so much that we could still have him with us. But we are doing good.

Hookie

Last night Chris and I decided to play "hookie" or in other words hang out together and forget about our responsibilities for the night, ie Chris's homework and cleaning the house. We went and got dinner at Cafe Paesan. If you haven't been, you should definitely consider it, it was delicious! Then we went to Sleepy Ridge golf course. Chris was going to hit a bucket of balls while we chatted. The only problem was there were tons and I mean TONS of mosquitoes. So...we didn't last long at Sleepy Ridge. We also went on a walk. I LOVE going on walks. Thanks babe for playing "hookie" with me : )

Labor day + Back to work

Labor day, Chris and I were able to go boating with my family. It was a lot of fun to enjoy the lake! I wasn't able to actually do anything other than just sit in the boat, however I still had a great time. Chris, on the other hand, experienced quite the fall while jumping on the wakeboard which resulted in the a trip to the doctors to discover that he had blown a hole in his ear drum! The doctor let me take a look with the microscope thing and no mistaken there definitely was a huge hole. Chris was in quite a bit of pain but the doctors said it should heal fine within the next 4 weeks.


Also, on another note. Yesterday was my first day back at work. I really do enjoy my work and enjoy the people that I work with. However, it is really hard. A bunch of girls that I work with just had their babies. It's just hard going to work everyday when really more than anything I want to have Collin to take care of.

Collin's graveside service

On Saturday August 28, we held a graveside service for Collin. Planning a service like this is something we never ever imagined we would be required to do as a young married couple. Before the service actually began, Chris and I, along with our parents went to the mortuary where Collin was. I was able to wrap Collin in a blanket and place a picture of our little family, Chris, me and Collin, in his casket with him. At the service we had incredible support from our family and friends, for which I am so grateful. Both of Collin's grandpa's spoke at the service and there were two musical numbers by some of Collin's aunts and uncles. Overall it was a very touching and beautiful ceremony.


I wanted to include some more pictures of our sweet little boy. I miss Collin so much. He is always on my mind. I know he is where he is suppose to be. But I just wish he could have stayed with me.

Collin Christopher Shelton

I am new to the world of blogging. I always love looking at others blogs to get an update on their lives and have told myself that once I got married I would create a blog (I have now been married two years) or once I graduated from school I would create a blog (I graduated in April) - lets just say I have been putting it off. Hey, better late than never right?

I am figuring if you are reading this blog then you know who we are so there really is no need for an introduction. And I am sure that in future blog posts you will learn more about the lives of Chris and Robyn, however I just want to dedicate this post to our sweet boy, Collin Christopher Shelton.


*The majority of this post will come from my dad's email updates he sent to family throughout the past week and a half.*

Chris and I first discovered there were complications with my pregnancy on Wednesday, August 11 (which happened to be Chris's birthday). I was 23 and a half weeks along and Chris had just got home from his internship in California so we were going in for the ultrasound to find out the gender of our little baby. It is in that ultrasound that they discovered that the amniotic fluid surrounding the baby was extremely low (only about 1 cm when there should have been 10 - 13 cm). I was sent to a Perinatologist (fetal specialist) on Friday where some tests were run and then I met with them again on Monday, at which time the Perinatologist admitted me to the hospital in order to closely monitor the baby's heart rate. We made it to Friday, August 20, before our little boy was born.

*From my dad's update about Collin's birth*
As you are likely aware by now, Robyn (who was 24 weeks and 5 days into her pregnancy) had her baby, little Collin Christopher Shelton, on Friday August 20, 2010. He weighed in at a whopping 15 ounces and is 9-10 inches long. Mother and baby are doing well. Here is an update from the perspective of a grandpa.
Friday was a very long day. It started at 1:30 a.m. with a text from Chris saying that the baby was under stress and having "dips" in its heart rate. They called the perinatologist specialist who lives in Park City and he drove to the hospital. By about 3:00 a.m., the dips in the heart rate had subsided and there was some hope that things would settle down. A few hours later, an ultrasound was done where the perinatologist (Robyn's doctor) and the neonatologist (the baby's doctor) made the determination that the baby would do better outside of the womb than inside of the womb. Later that day, both doctors told us that the timing of the situation was critical. When talking about this with the neonatologist I asked what the impact to the baby would have been if he had stayed inside for another week or two and he said, "He would have died....there would have been zero chance for survival." He said that even if they had waited another six hours, the baby would have had severe challenges. He compared it to the baby trying to breathe out of a very skinny "coffee straw". The perinatologist compared it to the baby having just run a marathon and then having his breathing severley constricted. Anyway, we are confident that the doctors made the correct decision to deliver the baby.
After giving Robyn a priesthood blessing at about 9:15 a.m. they whisked her in to the operating room at about 9:35 a.m. The operating doctor told us that the whole process would take about an hour. He said that the most critical issue for the baby would be whether or not they could get a tube down his throat to hook up the breathing equipment. He said that if they couldn't do that "the baby would pass." Our family was together when they took Robyn to the operating room and we had a kneeling prayer together asking God for a miracle and then started to read our chapter from the Book of Mormon together as a family as we waited. The Sheltons arrived and then just after 10 a.m. a smiling nurse stuck her head in the door to say that all had gone well, that the baby was born at 9:56 a.m., that they had inserted the tube and that the heart beat of the baby was good. We all said a prayer of gratitude in our hearts that a miracle had occured and that Collin was OK and now had a chance for survival.
Chris arrived at about 10:30 a.m. and told us about details of the surgery and how once the baby came a team of 8-10 doctors and nurses surrounded the baby and whisked him into a warm room to begin working on him. He said that it was absolutely amazing how the neo-natal team functioned. Robyn came back at about 10:45 a.m. very tired, sore and medicated. We knew that she needed rest. However, she and Chris made the decision to give the baby the name Collin Christopher Shelton and we received permission from the bishop to give the baby a name and a blessing in the hospital Robyn wanted to be with us when that occured and since Collin was doing well, Chris decided to wait until a little later in the day to give the name and blessing. All of the adults aged 18 and over were able to visit the Newborn Intensive Care Unit (NIC-U) and see little Collin. He is a marvel as you can see in the picture. His eyes and head are covered and will be for sometime as the eyes and brain are the last to develop. We have been told that the first 24-48 hours are a honeymoon period where the micro-premie babies usually do great then next week Collin will start to grow and challenges will start to develop that they will need to address. Anyway, little Collin is a fighter and has been trying to get all of the needles and tubes out of his body which is a great sign, but he needs to rest and grow. They have told us that we should expect Collin to be in the NIC-U until his original due date of December 5th. We are extremely thankful for exceptional care and highly trained medical personnel.
Robyn really wanted to see Collin and we planned to give the baby his name and blessing at about 5:30 p.m. She tried to get up and get into a wheelchair and actually passed out into Chris' arms. We got her back into bed, but her heart rate dropped to about 40 and she wasn't doing well. Her doctors came and changed her medication (taking away most of them including the Magnesium that she didn't seem to do well with). An ICU doctor came as well and they decided that Robyn should be moved to the cardiac floor of the hospital where her heart rate could be better monitored. At 11 p.m. last night we were able to take Robyn while on her hospital bed to see little Collin which was an emotional moment for Robyn and all of us. We then got Robyn and Chris settled into the cardiac floor (which is not nearly as nice as the maternity floor).
The latest this morning is that Robyn is feeling much better. Little Collin is also reportedly doing well. Robyn is expected to be in the hospital for another 3-4 days. We are so thankful for the faith and prayers of our family and friends. A miracle has occured and is continuing to occur. We pray that miracles will continue to occur.

*From my dad's update about Collin's passing*
Little Collin Christopher Shelton passed away this afternoon at 4:29 p.m. in Robyn's arms with Chris at her side along with Collin's grandparents. We appreciate the faith and prayers of so many people all over the world for little Collin. Our prayers were answered in that Collin received a body, a name and a blessing and has done all that he needs to do to be saved in the Celestial Kingdom. We are also thankful and accept the Will of the Lord because we know that Collin must have a great work to do on the other side of the veil. Late this evening Alysa (age 7) said, "It is kind of like Collin just left on a mission." Alysa understands the Plan of Salvation. After Collin's birth on Friday he fought hard and was doing well. Chris (who spent the most time with Collin) felt that following his blessing on Sunday afternoon that his little body began to fail because he had accomplished what was needed in this life. Obviously, a name and blessing are not essential to Collin's exaltation, but it seemed as though that is what Collin wanted. Last night he was struggling some with his breathing and had his oxygen levels turned up pretty high, which is not highly concerning, but obviously not a great sign either.
On Monday morning at about 9 a.m. Robyn and Chris went to see Collin and found that the NICU staff were calling for them as Collin was in distress with his oxygen levels dropping into the 40s. Janis and I, along with Chris' parents arrived at the hospital shortly thereafter and found doctors and nurses doing all they could to help Collin, but it just wasn't working. It seems that Collin's kidneys were not properly functioning to remove the buildup of moisture in his body. This lead to several challenges, the most serious of which was pressure on his little lungs. Air was forming around his heart and in other parts of his body and they inserted a tube in his chest to remove the air. This worked for a while and gave us hope, but his oxygen levels only improved temporarily. They gave him nitric oxide as a last resort to improve the oxygen level in the blood and it worked a little, but not enough. With 6 or 7 hours of little Collin's oxygen levels being in the 40s, 50s and 60s (they should stay above 85) the doctors finally said that Collin's brain would not be able to function and there was nothing more that could be done to help him. I should note that the doctors assured us that they had medicated Collin during these procedures and during his last hours so he was at peace and not suffering in pain.
Chris and Robyn gave prayerful consideration to the options presented to them and the decision was made to allow Collin to pass. We summoned the children to come to the hospital and they were allowed to surround Collin, touch him and express their love. Interestingly, Collin's vital statistics slightly improved, but it was really too late and we believe more of a sign that Collin loved his family. The doctors then allowed Robyn to hold little Collin in her arms. Chris was able to give him a priesthood blessing asking his Spirit to go home to his Heavenly Father and he quietly passed away moments later in his mother's loving arms at 4:29 p.m.
It was a tearful time for all of us, but we have faith to know that Collin is happy and has returned to the loving arms of our Savior and will be with loved ones who have passed previously. What a valant fight he gave under such trying conditions. We prayed for a miracle and feel that a miracle has occured as we were allowed to be with his sweet spirit for just over three days.
Robyn was released from the hospital this evening and has returned home. She has some recovery time ahead of her, but she is doing well. Chris and Robyn are obviously sad that they are now planning a graveside service (probably on Saturday), but they will be fine. Please continue to keep them in your prayers.
Thank you again for your faith and prayers in behalf of Robyn and Collin. We are sad that Collin has passed, but happy to know that God lives and loves each of his children. He has a plan for Collin and we accept that plan. Among other things, we have learned how precious life is and how we are all in God's hands and we can be taken at any time.

I know this post is already extremely long. But I just want to add a couple things. Chris and I are so incredibly grateful for the knowledge we have of the Plan of Salvation. We know without a doubt that we will be with Collin again and that he is sealed to us for all eternity. That knowledge brings peace. However, despite that peace and comfort it is still really hard. It’s hard to be recovering from a c-section without my little baby boy by my side. It’s hard thinking to the future about all of our plans for little Collin, knowing that everything has changed and will never be the same. Chris and I love Collin more than we could ever imagine. Collin Christopher Shelton is our little angel boy.